The Dilemma of the "Good Man"

"What Happens to a vulnerable woman in a room full of good men?"

That is the question posed by a recent sexual assault prevention training. The answer: she will be treated with decency and taken care of.

But . . .

If my Bible is accurate . . . there is none good, no not one.

So in real life a vulnerable woman will never walk into a room full of good men. She will inevitably walk into a room full of flawed and imperfect men. Men who might take advantage of her.  And so it is common for women to spend a lot of time thinking defensively.

What is a flawed imperfect man, who wants to honor God's commands to do when he is approached by a vulnerable woman, or child?  Ironically "good men" need to spend a lot of time thinking defensively as well.

This is a question not of character, and not even of what people should do or ought to do in a perfect world.  This is not a question of intentions or of appearances it is  in fact the dilemma of the "good man."

If we can use the term "good" in the relative sense, not of moral perfection but of general integrity and character in keeping with God's design. A "Good" man know he is flawed and imperfect, and so will set up boundaries and prepare his heart to resist temptation.  But it must go much further. A good man must also set up expectation and situations when he will engage and not sit by passive. 

I was reminded strongly of that this afternoon.  I was handing out VBS  invitations in a local neighborhood.  When two third grade girls decided to help me. I had just spoke with their mother, and invited them to attend our VBS. And they took it upon them selves to introduce me to their whole neighborhood. 
 "That house has kids!" 
"You should go invite them" 
"I don't like that house it has an old guy that scares me."
" I just love the dog at this house"

While I appreciated their help, it left me in a very awkward position. I am walking through an unknown neighbor hood with two female, minors -uninvited - but quite closely attended non the less.  What is a good man to do?

Several times I suggested that they might need to get their mothers permission to be this far from home,

"It's OK we can come this far if we are with and adult, and you are an adult, so that makes it OK."

I followed all the other rules I have in the back of my head for such situations, I stayed outside in the open, around other people, but I was reminded by the sheer awkwardness that some situations should be harmless, like two kids introducing me to their neighbors, but they are not . . .

Because regardless of intentions, actions, or events, all it takes for a "good man" to loose all credibility is for someone to say something in a situation just like this one.  And so from now on I need a visitation partner, I need to watch what I say and do more carefully. Because no matter who I am, no matter what my intentions may be . . . There are vulnerable people out there . . . and I need to protect my self, in order to serve them.

 Please continue to pray for wisdom, as Pastoral ministry has dozens of blind spots, in counseling, public speaking, and it turns out, in handing out VBS flyers.